i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
