i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
