All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
