this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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