i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
