He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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