Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
