I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
