She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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