I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
