we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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