Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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