So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
