I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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