Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
