You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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