i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
