I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
