Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
