She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
