I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
