he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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