i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
