Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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