Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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