Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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