Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
