at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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