Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
is wine microwaveable?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
