I met the friendliest cop last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
