i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
