were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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