I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
