Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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