what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
