Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
