Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
