before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
