I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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