You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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