Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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