I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
