you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
