He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
