She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
that is very illegal...i love you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
