He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
