I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
