The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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