I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
