Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
