dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
